Sunday, March 12, 2006

Spiritual Awakening

I have had a wonderful and bizarre couple of weeks. I was finally introduced to a dear and very old friend of Rob's. Although I have heard about this person for the last two years, I was not given ample opportunity to meet him.

I was invited to go to a "meeting" by Rob, who had been invited by Sally (his Ex-Wife) I was dubious to say the least. I was blown away both by the 3hour forum and by Rollie, Rob's friend. My experience prompted me to drop nearly $700 for Rob and I to attend the Landmark Forum in it's entirety here in Denver. Holy crap was I impressed!

I had always felt as though I was just going through the motions in my life, but I never dreamed that I could find a way out of the monotony. Since the introductory forum, I have voraciously read authors like Don Miguel Ruiz and most recently Dr. Doreen Virtue. I have for the first time in my life been able to take what I need and forget the rest. I have begun to explore the physical and psychological benefits of meditation and have felt absolutely wonderful.

I have not suffered from stress on the job and have been able to reach my patients on a completely new level! My needs are being met and my bills are being paid and my life has finally been centered and all without an ounce of stress from me!

Who knew that life could be so simple? Wish me luck, I'm off to see the Wizard!!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Oh how strange the world looks at 3:00 in the morning.

Here I sit at work, bored, tired and wishing I were anywhere else. I have picked up 24 new clients for my other job and have come to the startling realization that I am not in fact super woman. As a direct result of this epiphany, I have dropped my classes for the time being until I am better situated in the new job and able to begin phasing out the old one!

I love my life, I sometimes wish that I had a better grasp of time so that I could better enjoy it though. I must admit that I cannot honestly complain about anything at the moment...everything's pretty peachy!

Rob has rearranged his office space to better fit with his music space. Which means that all his gear is in the livingroom, just inside the front door! Hopefully the children get the idea that this is no longer a play area before anyone gets pumled or any equipment gets damaged! Grin, I am hoping the transition isn't too painful.

Well, duty calls, more later. Signing out.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I'm College Bound!

I just attended my third day of school and I am convinced that I will crash and BURN FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!! Well, at least that is the impression left by all three of my Profes'ores. I was not impressed nor was I all that convinced that they weren't a little bit nervous themselves. Rob and I drove through a nasty winter storm and I was thirty minutes late to my first class. My professor decided Not to hold us to the attendance policy and I thought that this was the first intelligent thing out of her mouth, I was impressed with her presence of mind. For the most part we are treated very much like cattle and preschoolers, not a very comfortable thing for a woman who is used to getting her own way and telling it like I see it. Definitely something to get used to!

I also was hired on with a second full-time job two days ago. I will be one busy woman for a while, with two jobs, full-time school and six kids I am starting the countdown to implosion. So, if you don't hear from me for a while, don't take it personally, I'm probably just having a fit of hysterics in a public bathroom at the school...no worries!

Signing off.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Too Damn Many Tests I Tell Ya!

Oooook, I must apologize once more. My dear, sweet Husband has pointed out the I use way too many personality tests when I feel the driving need to post SOMETHING, ANYTHING. I am aware that not everyone is thrilled by the test results of a complete stranger,but I am attempting to keep up the semi-anual updates! Laf.

Well this is the first few hours of the new year and I'm cooling my heels at work! Yum. We did, thanks to the quick thinking of my lovely spouse get to toast in the New Year.....Well we did get to slurp down sparkling cider out of little plastic cups anyway.

RCS was kind enough to call a few minutes before the ball dropped in Times Square and I (with his help) got to do the official countdown to midnight. At least for the unit. I hope that wasn't my 15 minutes of fame! *gasp*

Well I've got to cut this short. I'm waiting on report for a new admit and have some work to do.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Me, Myself, and I

On Frustrating Parents, New Jobs and General Nonsense

I have been dealing with the cruel, pointless death of all my childhood fantasies that my parents will ever view me as an adult with the mental capacity of anything other than a newt. For many years I have silently listened while they berated me for my parenting choices, my choice in mates, my spending habits and my driving methods.

RCS and I fell recently into an ugly little financial catch-22 when I wrecked my car. We have yet to find our way back out of the hole we dug and my parents were generous enough to offer to pay some of our debt. I do remember feeling a little shocked that they were being so generous and warned RCS that this may come back to bite us on the butt! To make a long story short, not all the funds were used in the exact fashion that they were meant to be used in. RCS being the honest, integrity riddled man that he is, told my parents this. My dad decided it was all my fault and woke me from a dead slumber to screech at me for my inappropriate spending habits.


I must say that this was NOT the CORRECT way to gain my SYMPATHY on the subject! I tried to explain to them that for the most part the money was used to fill the gaps from lost wages and for some emergency dental work, but they were not to be appeased. I on the other hand was supposed to quietly accept the emotional battery as my due for having been the one to blame for the missapropriated funds. (I haven't been shopping for myself for long enough that I can't actually recall the last time I went shopping for myself. All-in-all a very depressing fact.)

I called my mother back after a disastrous call (to her from RCS) to sooth over any hurt feelings and accidently called momzilla instead. (I can't recall in recent history my mom ever being quite this vehement or ugly about my parenting skills) My hand was unfortunately forced and I had to eat her head (which isn't all that easy to do over the phone, but I did anyway.) The conversation went a little like this:

Mom: I just got off the phone with RCS.

Me: Ummm, yes that is why I'm calling. RCS was concerned that the conversation didn't go all that well and wanted me to assure you that there are no hard feelings on our end.

Mom: Well we just worry! What will happen when you stop paying for your house and they throw you ALL out into the streets? I'm worried that you'll lose one of the kids or your job. What would you DO THEN?

Me: Ummm, I've never missed a mortgage payment mom. I don't think that we'll be out on the street.....

Mom: WELL YOU COULD BE! You two spend like you've got a drug problem or you're alcoholics or something. You don't do right by those kids and we aren't able to do ANYTHING about it!!

Me: Surprising as it may seem mom, I have supported this family on my own. I am the mother of six children and not one of them have died, let alone been hurt through any parenting decisions of ours . And all of this without your help or advice. You do not get to speak to me this way. I am a grown woman, not a stupid little six year-old with no common sense. I am through being treated as though I couldn't find my own ass with 2 hands and a road map. You don't get to criticize my parenting, my spending, or my choice in mates. You haven't the right and I am tired of it.

Mom: *deafening silence*

Me: I have stood by and let you and dad run right over the top of me, in front of my children no less and I am done.

Mom: Well that's not what I meant by that. But you are angry and I can't talk to you right now.

*There was more to this conversation, but it was relatively unrelated to this little debacle so therefore not worth mentioning.*

So my parents are going to be bringing back Jade and Jordy in the morning and I have high hopes of sleeping right through the visit. Unfortunately RCS wasn't treated any better and therefore is not really all that excited to have to field all their questions himself. I have recently been given some very useful advice concerning this unpleasant little scene. It goes a little like this: "Don't pick useless fights with those close to you as it will only cause more trouble later."

Ok, I'll admit it sounds like it came right out of a fortune cookie, but I promise it didn't. It sounds plausible and that's terribly convenient for me....So I'll just take the good advice and stay in bed, that's my story and I'm stickin to it!!

On other fronts Bec has given her notice at her job, YAY BEC!!!!! I have been looking into some other fields in nursing and have been offered a job with a home health company. It's only part time right now, but it has the possibility to grow into a full-time position. So if I keep the full time job and just schedule for the 3 12hr shifts a week then I'll have time before and after school on Mon - Thurs that I can see clients. Not optimal I'll admit, but doable until something else opens up.

Not to keep harping on a dead subject, but my dad was told by us that we couldn't afford Christmas for the kids and he suggested that we fill their stockings up with oranges and nuts. Because our kids have too much as it is and they don't appreciate anything anyway and we don't need to spoil them with more.

The story behind this tidbit of advice is from my maternal grandmother who as a child lived in a very poor farming community and her mother was a divorcee, almost unheard of in those days. As a result of their low status in the community not many people helped them out and for Christmas one year all that GGrandma Smith could afford was an orange apiece for her four children, my Grandma was a little girl and she still tell us about how wonderful that orange was and how happy she was to get it!

A beautiful story, but not dad's to tell (although he's tried to adopt it on countless occasions to explain away his refusal to celebrate such a "Pagan Holiday!") Yes folks it is a pagan holiday that was adopted by the Roman Catholic church in an attempt to lure the simple folk into the fold. No real secret there, but as a child it didn't make much difference to me. I just knew that we were the only people in our church that weren't allowed to celebrate.

So, RCS, tongue-in -cheek has in fact filled all the stockings with oranges, nuts, apples and bananas. Hope that makes dad happy. (the gifts are hidden in my closet, unlike my family RCS's family has come through for the Seifert kids! Yay, I don't have to explain why Santa missed our house this year! *sniff*) Thank you and a MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Internal Debate

I've been lazy with my posting, I know. I have just come down from the most incredible streak of bad luck I have ever personaly experienced and I'm still a little gun shy, so please bear with me.

I worked my usual 14 hour shift (that includes 2 hours drive time btw.) last night and then had to go to court this morning for the careless driving ticket from the accident. I had already been down with a sinus infection for the last week and I felt terrible. I haven't been sleeping at all this last week and as a result I called Josh out of school (don't hate me Donna! :) to help me stay awake on the drive to and from the courthouse. He was a huge help to me and renewed my hope for my sullen lazy teenager (he really is a sweetheart, just riddled with hormones at the moment) Long story short, they cut me some slack! Whoo Hooo!


I got back home at 1130 and attempted to sleep as I have to work tonight. No dice. I netted a sum total of about two hours. :( and I lost my voice, Go ME!

To get to the point of the story, I was profoundly lost in thought on the drive into work tonight. I have been struggling with a few ideas and have been actively seeking spiritual enlightenment. I am aware that the fundamental Christian views that I was weaned on no longer answer my questions and aren't satisfying in the least. This little bombshell of information was dropped directly on my head the last time I drove out to visit my parents.

You need to understand that we ate, slept, and breathed the Christian doctrine almost from birth. My mother was/is a devout Free Methodist and has always lived the "Christian way" she is sweet, generous and forgiving to a fault (except in the case of my gay brother, but this is another story entirely) I was 6 when my Step Father married my Mother in 1978. Almost from the moment she said "I do" we didn't. What I mean is we were forbidden to watch TV, listen to the secular radio stations, celebrate any of the holidays save Thanksgiving, wear shorts, short skirts or pants of any kind (below the knee skirts and dresses ONLY) My sister and I were not allowed to cut our hair or wear ANYkind of makeup, hairspray or perfume (in ANY form). Most families were Christian in the little town I grew up in, but we were UBER CHRISTIANS!

I felt trapped and unsatisfied and nobody would/could answer the questions that filled up my little head and often times fell out of my mouth (usually at the worst possible time). By the time I turned 9 I was getting really tired of having my questions brushed aside and getting the same pat answer of "You just need to BELIEVE". I didn't believe and the frustration was mounting. This was the first time that I was forcefully removed from a Sunday school class. I dared to point out to my teacher that she had severely contradicted herself during the lesson. She got up immediately and marched me outside and told me that I was wicked and she didn't care if I chose to GO TO HELL, but she simply would not stand for me corrupting the rest of the INNOCENT children. I cried and felt very ashamed that I had questioned her.

We ended up getting "Asked to LEAVE" 4 different churches because we were a blended family with adopted children and *gasp* a "half negro girl" in the FAMILY for the love of Jaysus, can I get an AMEN BROTHER? By the time I turned 13 my parents had given up on the idea that we could go to church and still keep our integrity intact and offered to let us make up our own minds about attending services. Immediately all but one of us kids opted out, I went alone for a few months and about the time one of the Deacons took me aside and told me that I in effect wasn't wanted there, I stopped attending.

during my journey towards spiritual enlightenment I was "SAVED" no less than 20 times and "RE-DEDICATED" no less than 30 times, "BAPTIZED" 8 times, had faked "speaking in tongues". Being "Slain in the Spirit", and had danced my ass off (that would be "dancing in the spirit) (you can pretty much get away with murder as long as you can put "in the spirit" after it in some denominations). I had learned nothing of value and had experienced the "Christian way" up close and personal. I was in fear for my immortal soul every waking moment and had begun to have fanciful and horrifying nightmares as a result. Still no clear path that I could see.

It was during this last visit to my parents that it became abundantly clear to me that my parents have not only gone back to church, but that they have done so with a fervency and zeal that is frightening. They are cramming their doctrine down the throats of my children and "witnessing" to me at every opportunity. I don't want my babies having the same fears that paralyzed me for so long, but I don't want to restrict my parents from showing their love for their grandkids either.


Well I suppose to coin a much heard phrase "choices and consequences in everything". I am truly saddened by the knowledge that I will deeply hurt my parents if I tell them any of my thoughts on this subject. I have no doubt that the day will come when I no longer have the choice to withhold, but until then I will keep my own council. I have researched many diffrent religious views and have read about even more, but still the path I seek remains hidden to me.

In sharing my thoughts with RCS I was a little miffed to realize that he had in fact already gone through this himself (years ago!!) He further compounded my embarasment by smiling his enigmatic little smile and telling me "Honey, you've been chained down for too long. It's time for you to fly." (Damnable men and their cotton pickin logic) :} I am not weighed down by fear any longer. I'm ready to experience something new, maybe that's all I really need right now. You never know, it could be the smallest step that leads to that fabled spiritual niche I've been looking for.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Dragon totem

You scored as Dragon. You are the Dragon. You store a lot of knowledge about everything. You are generally one who is good with personal growth and can regenerate yourself after a bad experience.

Dog

100%

Bear

100%

Dragon

100%

Fox

100%

Stag

92%

Eagle

92%

Wolf

92%

Deer

83%

Salmon

83%

Bull

83%

Crow

75%

Ram

75%

Horse

75%

Snake

25%

Which animal totem best suits you?
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Yeah Baby...

You scored as Dracula. You are the smooth sexy cool Dracula. Patient and lustful. If you were any cooler youd be ice. Great style with a way of seducing those around you. And three brides who wouldn't want to be him.

Dracula

100%

Marius

92%

Lestat

83%

Armand

75%

Blade

67%

Deacon Frost

58%

Angel

50%

Spike

42%

Louis

33%

Akasha

25%

Whose your Vampire personality? (images)
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Ummm...Kay

You scored as Angel. Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.

Angel

83%

Faerie

75%

WereWolf

50%

Mermaid

50%

Dragon

42%

Demon

8%

What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
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For my Potter Head Friends

You scored as Harry Potter. You can be a little reckless and hot-headed at times, but a more brave and courageous friend would be hard to find.

Harry Potter

90%

Ginny Weasley

85%

Albus Dumbledore

85%

Hermione Granger

70%

Remus Lupin

70%

Ron Weasley

65%

Sirius Black

65%

Draco Malfoy

65%

Severus Snape

50%

Lord Voldemort

5%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
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HMMMMMMM....

You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three.

Captain Jack Sparrow

83%

Indiana Jones

79%

William Wallace

79%

Lara Croft

79%

Batman, the Dark Knight

71%

Maximus

63%

James Bond, Agent 007

58%

The Terminator

46%

Neo, the "One"

42%

El Zorro

38%

The Amazing Spider-Man

33%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
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